Quotes

Blaseball is like if Jon Bois wrote Homestuck.

I never obligate people to laugh at the things that I say.

Why do all noises that come out of Ian suck?

I don't know what you're talking about and I don't want to.

I am small and me.

Just cruising past the finish line in a slightly damaged train. That's how I want to end next year's 24 Hours of LRRMans.

Everything I say is steeped in controversy.

I'm not trapped in here with you, you're trapped- ow.

Remember kids: don't play like I play.

Now if I were a key, and God willing someday I will be....

For awhile I wasn't powerful, and it felt bad, now I feel good....any questions?

I don't know what it is, but there's something weirdly erotic about those peas.

Shoot him with that fish!

Petting the dog is the reward unto its self.

The more of the skin you remove, the more it looks like a droid.

Important question: If I die, do I still get paid?

Somebody turn off the lights and leave me alone!

The key has been delivered, I repeat.

Nothing but weird, fleshy net.

'Why does your dog have so many arrows in it's face?' 'It likes to play fetch?'

Behind you James, I'm the corpse.

I am obligated to inform you that a threat has been made against you.

You may be literally the boss of me but you're not the boss of me.

'He puts people in Jars.' 'No he doesn't, he just doesn't free them.'